Reflections.

Well that time of year has come around again and it is Hogmanay. We will shortly be waving goodbye to 2011 and welcoming 2012. As ever the time has flown by and I always find myself reflecting on the year that has past. I kind of make up a compilation of highlights and low points of the year in my head and reflect on situations that have happened or maybe not happened.

There have been a lot of major world events in 2011, with many earthquakes, floods, deaths and wars. so in the grand scheme of things my year has not been as bad as it could have been, but it has definitely not been one of my better years. Rather than ramble on about the past year I decided to showcase my artistic talents and express my inner feelings and emotions by drawing them.

I am sure you will agree my flair for drawing is outstanding. So as you can see I have been fairly happy for most of the year, although July was a tricky one, should really have drawn a more worried face for half that month. Anyway as any good football commentator would say "it's been a game of two halves". The first half started out well and looked promising but the second half just all went a bit shit really. 

I am hoping that 2012 will be a bit kinder. People laugh when I say it but I think that years with even numbers are better than the odd ones so fingers crossed.

Happy Hogmanay. Enjoy.

Peace x


All photos by Caroline Harvey

The Long Road.

I had forgotten about this video I made on my trip. I don't think I could get it to upload at the time, but now I have!

I took clips of video on my drive from Squamish, B.C, Canada to Knoxville, Tennessee. It was a roundtrip drive of approx 6000 miles. I did a lot of singing to myself.

It is funny watching it back now. If I could do it all over again I would, best year of my life without a shadow of a doubt.

Enjoy xx

Walls and signs.

Over the few days I was up North over Christmas I took quite a few walks in and around the streets of Macduff. It is a crazy mix of old and new buildings squashed into a small space on the side of a hill, but very interesting. I took a liking to some of the walls and their street names. I love the contrast between the 3 walls.

Peace x

All Photographs by Caroline Harvey

Karma.

The Oxford English Dictionary definition of Karma is;

"(in Hinduism and Buddhism) the sum of a person's actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.

informal - good or bad luck, viewed as resulting from one's actions."

I like to think of myself as a good person. I don't mean in any kind of religious God fearing, sun shines out my arse way. I just try to treat life/people with respect in the hope that in return whoever or whatever is in charge of any Karmic payback might see fit to be kind to me. I think their must be a long queue, or maybe they deal with the bad people first?

I am going to imagine I am back snoozing under blue Tennessee skies tonight. 

Sweet dreams.

Peace x

All photographs by Caroline Harvey

Relaxation.

Pretty wee tree.

Well another Christmas bites the dust. I can now listen to the radio again without my hearing being assaulted by endless jolly Christmas songs of by gone years.

However, despite my lack of enthusiasm for the whole shenanigans, I had a very lovely time with the fabulous Mater and Pater. They went all out as usual to make the day extremely relaxing and special in our own wee family way. I was spoilt with some beautiful gifts that I will treasure and ate possibly the most delicious fillet steak I have had in a very long time. There was even a brussel sprout ban, which pleased me greatly.

Only the New Year to get through now!

Now to drink some of my decorations.

Peace x

All photographs by Caroline Harvey

Nice rack!

 Due to work and really very grey weather I have been a tad lazy with my photo taking so here is one I took earlier. Climbing in Beautiful British Columbia with my even more beautiful friend Sandra. Summertime happiness. xx

Nice rack!

Peace x

The 'C' word.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not a huge fan of Christmas. I think I used to like them when I was a child, but I don't really recall. Although, I have seen the evidence of photographs and I looked happy enough. Where the dislike has manifest itself from I am not certain, but I have to say it is getting stronger as I get older.

I hate to sound like a grumpy old woman, which obviously I am, but it is just all too much. The expectation to have warm and fuzzy family moments filled with fun and excitement and spending extravagant amounts of cash is almost too much to take.

 Is it ok just to have a quite time and relax?

It certainly doesn't feel like it the way people dash around buying gifts and food etc, by the time the 25th comes most people are dead on their feet.

Don't get me wrong I like giving gifts to my friends and family and I would be a liar if I said I did not like receiving them too, but I try for the most part to give gifts that are possibly more meaningful or personal rather than expensive. Yes, partly because money is tight, but mostly because I hope they will like what I give them for more than just a day.

Anyway I will not become a wingebag and will keep my Bah Humbugness to myself. I know I will have a pleasant day with my folks and be spoilt with good food and wine, but it will be fuss free and relaxing, like any good day off should be.

Below is the sum total of the decorations in my house. Easy to install and tasty.

Peace x

Cone.

 I like cones.

All photos by Caroline Harvey.

Heart Attack.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” 

Neil Gaiman

I like this quote because it is so true. At least for me it is. I always wear my heart on my sleeve and no matter how hard I try to protect it, it always gets damaged. Sometimes in a big way, sometimes in a small way. My ending was not even as simple as a "maybe we should just be friends". It was an ending without words and that in my opinion is worse.

I don't "hate" love.

 I "love" love. 

Love just seems to strongly disagree with me.

Peace.

Therapy.

I have always used exercise as a form of therapy, and this morning was a very beautiful and snowy therapy session over the Pentlands. I have not been able to run for a long time due to various aches and pains that seemed impossible to shift, but I have been seeing a fabulous osteopath who is slowly working her magic and making me feel whole again. So it felt absolutely amazing to be heading out with Beth this morning for one of our favourite routes.

A great way to start the day, 9 miles of pretty scenery and sky.

Silence.

Canyonlands, Utah.

"Sticks and stones are hard on bones,

Aimed with angry art.

Words can sting like anything,

But silence breaks the heart."

Phyllis McGinley

Sleep.

Sleep does not seem to come easily for me these days and it is getting increasingly annoying. Of course the more I worry about not sleeping the worse it gets. I have never been too good a sleeper, and I think my mother will testify to that statement. She used get my Dad to drive around the streets with me on the back seat in my baby basket until I fell asleep. Actually until I learnt to drive I would fall as sleep in any car night or day if you drove me over 5 miles. Now it is not so easy. I try to tire myself out during the day, but at the moment nothing seems to work. My brain kicks into gear and starts thinking all sorts of crap that I really don't need to get myself into a tiz over. I have even resorted to Nytol, but that apparently is having no effect tonight either, hence me blogging at one in the morning.

What to do?

If only I were the sleepy kitten!

"Many things such as loving, going to sleep or behaving unaffectedly are done worst when we try hardest to do them"

C.S.Lewis

Keeping busy.

I have managed to have a fairly productive day today, which is good because it stops or at least slows down the continual ache in my brain of things people have done or said, or not done and said, as the case may be. I have always found it incredibly difficult to stop this self inflicted mental torture from happening. I can not just let things go. I always hope that other people will be like me and want satisfactory answers and conclusions, especially when it comes to relationships, but they just never seem to. I don't know if this a difference between men and women or wether it is just me, but it drives me insane. I always want answers and I never ever get them. The art of oral communication seems to be lost on some people.

Anyway, moving on. I have eventually had some prints done of my big climbing trip and popped out to Ikea this morning to get some frames. I am quite pleased with the results especially my jaggy heart shaped cactus which I took in the amazing Hueco Tanks National Park, Texas. Seeing it on display in my hall every day will hopefully help bring back lots of great memories of fantastic climbing and fabulous people.

I had quite a good session of climbing down at the wall tonight, although for some reason my legs were really shakey for no good reason which was a bit off putting. I think it may be a result of my fairly alcoholic weekend. However I managed to haul myself up a few lines which were quite satisfying. I have been unmotivated for climbing these last few months, which in itself is upsetting as it is one the few things in my life that I really love to do. I know where the lack of motivation is coming from, for the most part, and am desperately trying to turn this around. I would hate to fall out of love with climbing as it has been a great companion and helped me through many troubled times. Yet you can't force these things, like any good relationship you have to give respect and care in order for it to be healthy and worthwhile. 

Happy moment of the day, being given a box of homemade gluten free mince pies by the lovely Nick. Very delicious. xx

Chapter 40.

It has been quite a while since I last blogged, but am going to start trying to do regular posts of some description again. The posts sadly will not be of wonderful travels (at least not for a while) but general musings, photos and maybe the odd rant.

What have I been doing since my last post in March you may ask?

I feel like I have been riding a fairly emotional roller coaster since March, that started with huge peaks of happiness followed by massive troughs of disappointment and hurt. I knew the year was going to be a tough one for me as the year of 2011 meant I would be 40.  I find it quite hard to believe that I have been alive on this planet for that length of time. Where does the time go? I survived my birthday with good friends, family and a large dose of alcohol.

In March I also met a new beau. We got on well and things seemed good, but alas the last few months have been very difficult for me. Things did not seem right and try as I might I could not stop the train wreck that happened. I am still confused and bewildered by the ending of our relationship and am left once again asking myself questions that will never be answered.

Since my birthday I have been trying to take a photo a day in order to record my 40th year. So far I am doing well and have only missed a few days. I am hoping that starting to blog again will help achieve this task and keep me focused and maybe revive some creative juices that have lain stagnant for quite some time.

Anyway it is time to pick myself up and shake off the past once again, yet another new beginning. The 40th chapter of my life. It has not started the way I hoped but I have my fingers and toes crossed that it can only get better from this day forward. xx

My 40th. Eeek!